It's been so long sense I updated here and so much has happened. I'm not sure where to start.
It's almost been a year sense I started my career in nursing and I wouldnt trade it for the world. Although sometimes I'd like to pull my hair out with the stress on those really bad days. We all have those though, wherever we are and whatever we do. Why should I think that I'm immune? lol I like the days when I can put a smile on someones face, and know my patients well enough to know what they need before they ask. I like it when I can pick up on something that's different going on and possibly save a life. I like finishing my day and feeling like I've blessed someone just a little who is in a hard spot right now.
Last november my husband and I reunited with my dad. After almost a year and a half of not speaking, we sat down to a thanksgiving dinner. I wont say it's been easy. It hasnt. It's a process and I'm learning to grow through it. It's not something that could change over night, it's slow and we're taking baby steps. Baby steps are better than no steps at all. It's been all the Lord though. I couldnt have gotten through any of it without his guidence his grace and peace. A lot of hurt thats been forgiven, and lot of anger that has desolved. I'm thankful.
I'll attempt to post on here more often. It really should be more than once a year. lol Anyway I have things to do.
Be Blessed!
Ash
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Waiting....and Waiting.,..... oh and did I say I'm Waiting?
This WAITING is killing me! I have another 24 hours to wait until I get the results of my NCLEX. BLAH. lol THey that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up like wings as eagles! They shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint. Teach me Lord, teach me Lord to wait! Have I told you Lord lately that I'm an impatient human and want my results RIGHT NOW! lol I guess I should take my piece of humble pie and go eat. In my case it may take a lot of pie. Tootles, Ashley
Sunday, April 10, 2011
A serious case of nerves
Tomorrow is the big day. I was doing OK this morning but I started studying this afternoon and my stomach is in knots. I dont like this anxiety thing. I'm thinking about going for a drive. Tootles, Ashley
Saturday, April 9, 2011
NCLEX
I think if I see another NCLEX question today, I just might throw the computer out the window. lol I think I'm losing it. Monday. I'll just keep reapartin it in my head until it's here. Tootles, Ash
Friday, April 8, 2011
Look what the Lord has done:
There's a song we sing in church. It's called : Look what the Lord has done- The lyrics are something like this.
Look what the Lord has done,
Look what the Lord has done. He healed my body, He touched my mind. He saved me just in time, I'm going to praise His name. Each day He's just the same. Come on and praise Him. Look what the Lord has done!Then sometimes we put it in present tense "Look what the Lords gonna do..." I believe this may become my mantra. This year has been filled with such trauma and turmoil, but I will praise the Lord for what he has done and what He will do. He's carried me through my schooling in one of the hardest years of my life with almost streight A's I might add. Our financial state was not hindered while I wasnt working. He's taught me so many things through this trial with the relationship with my dad and the seperation of my parents.
I know it's ok to speak up for myself.
I know that I'm worthy of love and fellowship, and that I have something to offer to people.
I've learned that my will is not always the Lord's will. That's been one of th big ones. I thought if I prayed hard enough that what I wanted to happen would. My parents didnt get back together, but my mom found peace and joy. I did too. Peace, love, joy, a sound mind. Those are the fruits of the spirit. By their fruits we shall know them. That is what the Word says.
I know what He's going to do too: He's going to restore peace to my family. He's going to heal everything that is broken in this heart of mine. He's going see me through everything that I need to go through and He's going to use each situation to bring about His glory and His will. That is what He is going to do. I pray for my family always. Please if you read this please pray too.
ANYWAY- STATE BOARD EXAM for my LPN is on Monday for me. It starts at10:15. I just may be a liscenced nurse this time next week:) Tootles, Ashley
Monday, August 30, 2010
Wow
So, looking at my previous post, all those things were thrown out the window. I am all talk arent I? lol Here it is over a year later posting a new blog, and lifestyle change? I still struggle. It gets better daily though. I've learned that you cant make a dirastic change...sometimes it has to start slowly. If I can change and master one thing just maybe I can move onto another.
There are so many things to talk about and I just dont have the energy. Assuming no one reads this I'm probably not disapointing anyone but myself.
It being almost september and this day marking my halfway point in my nursing school career, things are looking up. Honestly though, they couldnt go that much farther down. You know I shouldnt say that. That is not a true statement. Things could be much worse, and I am so very blessed that they arent. I guess a more accurate statement is that I and my husband have had quite the year of growing and struggling and me personally a lot of revalation. Not in a way that you would think us being married just over two years now.
I guess what I could do is make a list of what I have learned this year so far. I will try to keep it optamistic and posative.
1. Marriage is a journey. I've learned that when you think you know something, you really dont and sometimes that reality is just wonderful. I guess that is how I view Mark and the life we share. I'm daily surprised at the things there are to learn about eachother.
2. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. I learned this the hard way. My parents are in the middle of a seperation after 25 years. For a while I was stuck in the middle. I had to take myself out of the equation for my own sanity. It was making me sick physically, emotionally. I was not functioning. Especially when it came to my relationship with my dad. This is where I had my biggest revalation. Everything was so mixed up and there was such a war of words and my heart just ached. He had nothing good to say when it came to my mom and he was calling me over and over and over, and I got too stressed out. I told him I needed space. This is where it got ugly. Initially, I just needed the space, and he wouldnt give it to me. I needed him to leave me alone for a while. But with every phone call email hateful words he pushed me farther away. I slipped into a really bad depression. I just wasnt myself. I sought some counseling through support services with my work. That is really when the dam broke. I told myself I wouldnt go into much detail, but here I am doing it anyway. The counceler had me fill out a questionair before we started. I thought I had come to talk to him about the troubles i was having with my family and how i would cope with it...but he had hit the nail on the head by questioning me about what I had filled out. Before I had a chance to talk about what I had come for he had me talking about my childhood and experiences I've had over the years. That is when I started remembering things, and that is when I started to get angry.
3. Anger is the third thing I have learned this year, and it is not something I nessearily like to talk about but it's there. I think it's always been there but i refused to deal with it. I got angry at my dad. I got angry at the words of hate, his actions, his treatment to me my mom my brothers and those he's come in contact with over the years. I got really angry. The more I remembered, the more angrier I got. So before I had asked my dad for space because i wasnt able to take care of myself, but now I wasnt talking because I was angry and I didnt want to say something that would hurt or disrespect him..
4. I learned that as christians we fall into a trap, at least I did anyway. I thought in order to forgive someone you had to put whatever they did away and just n ow deal with it. As I've found out you cannot do that. It builds into this pressurised dam that blows eventually. In my case it was 24 years of putting away the things I was angry about. What I was hurt about. You know that leads me to the next lesson I've learned.
5. It is ok to feel things even if it's not acceptable in the eyes of others. By dealing with those things and asking the Lords help He redeams us of those feelings. We dont have to deal with them anymore. I think before what I didnt understand was instead of trusting the Lord to help me move forward with those things I was hiding them away...and that isnt really forgiving at all it's just keeping yourself in denial about the things you've decided to hide or burry.
6. I've learned that is ok to ask for help.
7 I've learned that it's ok to choose not to be abused; even if that means a protection order against your father. This was a last resort. It wasnt until he started threatening Mark and I and harrassing us with extended family members did we seek this option out. It's really unfortunate, but with all honesty it is a relief. There is joy in my home. There is peace and I'm happy.
8. In regards to school and in light of all that has gone on this year...I just keep my head up and move forward.
This really is a long post. I guess I had the energy after all.
I'm going to go start dinner.
Tootles.
Ashley
There are so many things to talk about and I just dont have the energy. Assuming no one reads this I'm probably not disapointing anyone but myself.
It being almost september and this day marking my halfway point in my nursing school career, things are looking up. Honestly though, they couldnt go that much farther down. You know I shouldnt say that. That is not a true statement. Things could be much worse, and I am so very blessed that they arent. I guess a more accurate statement is that I and my husband have had quite the year of growing and struggling and me personally a lot of revalation. Not in a way that you would think us being married just over two years now.
I guess what I could do is make a list of what I have learned this year so far. I will try to keep it optamistic and posative.
1. Marriage is a journey. I've learned that when you think you know something, you really dont and sometimes that reality is just wonderful. I guess that is how I view Mark and the life we share. I'm daily surprised at the things there are to learn about eachother.
2. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. I learned this the hard way. My parents are in the middle of a seperation after 25 years. For a while I was stuck in the middle. I had to take myself out of the equation for my own sanity. It was making me sick physically, emotionally. I was not functioning. Especially when it came to my relationship with my dad. This is where I had my biggest revalation. Everything was so mixed up and there was such a war of words and my heart just ached. He had nothing good to say when it came to my mom and he was calling me over and over and over, and I got too stressed out. I told him I needed space. This is where it got ugly. Initially, I just needed the space, and he wouldnt give it to me. I needed him to leave me alone for a while. But with every phone call email hateful words he pushed me farther away. I slipped into a really bad depression. I just wasnt myself. I sought some counseling through support services with my work. That is really when the dam broke. I told myself I wouldnt go into much detail, but here I am doing it anyway. The counceler had me fill out a questionair before we started. I thought I had come to talk to him about the troubles i was having with my family and how i would cope with it...but he had hit the nail on the head by questioning me about what I had filled out. Before I had a chance to talk about what I had come for he had me talking about my childhood and experiences I've had over the years. That is when I started remembering things, and that is when I started to get angry.
3. Anger is the third thing I have learned this year, and it is not something I nessearily like to talk about but it's there. I think it's always been there but i refused to deal with it. I got angry at my dad. I got angry at the words of hate, his actions, his treatment to me my mom my brothers and those he's come in contact with over the years. I got really angry. The more I remembered, the more angrier I got. So before I had asked my dad for space because i wasnt able to take care of myself, but now I wasnt talking because I was angry and I didnt want to say something that would hurt or disrespect him..
4. I learned that as christians we fall into a trap, at least I did anyway. I thought in order to forgive someone you had to put whatever they did away and just n ow deal with it. As I've found out you cannot do that. It builds into this pressurised dam that blows eventually. In my case it was 24 years of putting away the things I was angry about. What I was hurt about. You know that leads me to the next lesson I've learned.
5. It is ok to feel things even if it's not acceptable in the eyes of others. By dealing with those things and asking the Lords help He redeams us of those feelings. We dont have to deal with them anymore. I think before what I didnt understand was instead of trusting the Lord to help me move forward with those things I was hiding them away...and that isnt really forgiving at all it's just keeping yourself in denial about the things you've decided to hide or burry.
6. I've learned that is ok to ask for help.
7 I've learned that it's ok to choose not to be abused; even if that means a protection order against your father. This was a last resort. It wasnt until he started threatening Mark and I and harrassing us with extended family members did we seek this option out. It's really unfortunate, but with all honesty it is a relief. There is joy in my home. There is peace and I'm happy.
8. In regards to school and in light of all that has gone on this year...I just keep my head up and move forward.
This really is a long post. I guess I had the energy after all.
I'm going to go start dinner.
Tootles.
Ashley
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Life Style Change
December of this last year i joined a gym and commited myself to getting healthy this year. It lasted about three months and i tapered off my plan and eventually gained the weight back.
It's frustrating and disheartening. I'm not going to give up. My freind and i are starting to work out again, but it's not just the working out that has to change. It's my eating habits and the way i go about doing things, thinking about things. So as a start i'm going to set some short-term goals for myself.
1.Keep track of the things i eat and keep my calorie intake below 1800.
2. Excercise at least 3 times a week.
3.Keep this journal updated.
4.Pre plan my day the night before.
Current weight: 250.8
It's frustrating and disheartening. I'm not going to give up. My freind and i are starting to work out again, but it's not just the working out that has to change. It's my eating habits and the way i go about doing things, thinking about things. So as a start i'm going to set some short-term goals for myself.
1.Keep track of the things i eat and keep my calorie intake below 1800.
2. Excercise at least 3 times a week.
3.Keep this journal updated.
4.Pre plan my day the night before.
Current weight: 250.8
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